Don’t give people secret tests they don’t know they’re taking. Just ask.

A test nobody knows about can only be failed. Waiting to see whether somebody notices you are upset, remembers without being told, or offers before you ask turns a solvable situation into a trap, because the result gets read as a verdict on how much they care when it was mostly about information they never had. You end up with evidence you invented.

When you catch yourself running one of these, say the thing instead: name what you want, directly and without resentment. It feels less satisfying than being understood unprompted. It works far more often, and it is much kinder to the other person.