A healthy relationship feels calm, not like a test you have to keep studying for.

Steadiness is not boredom. When something is working, you are not constantly rereading messages for tone or rehearsing how to bring up small things. Anxiety in a relationship often gets mistaken for intensity, when really it is the feeling of not knowing where you stand with somebody who could just tell you.

Think about how your body feels before you see this person: looser, or braced. If it is braced, notice what you are afraid of getting wrong, and say that part out loud to them. Someone who is good for you will be relieved to hear it.