A lot of people are brutally honest with others and gently dishonest with themselves.

Bluntness aimed outward can run alongside a very soft private story, and the two support each other. Being hard on everybody else feels like proof that you value truth, which makes it less likely anyone checks whether the same standard is applied inward. The sharp edge faces out and the padding stays where it does the most damage.

Take the harshest thing you have said about someone recently and ask the equivalent question about yourself, in the same tone. If that feels unfair, you have found the gap. The fix is usually gentler on others and firmer on you.