When you get called out, check whether you’re mad because they’re wrong or because they’re right.

Both situations produce the same heat, which is why the feeling is useless as evidence. Unfair accusations sting, and accurate ones sting more, but your body does not label them for you. The only way to tell them apart is to look at the claim instead of the reaction, and that takes a few minutes you will not want to spend.

Give yourself a short delay before responding. Write their point down as plainly as you can, without the tone attached, and ask whether you would agree if it were about a stranger.