If the same type of comment sets you off every time, that’s a map of where you’re still sore.

A reaction out of proportion to the remark is pointing at something older than the remark. The comment itself is rarely the weight, it is the thing that landed on a spot already tender, which is why one category of joke keeps getting a rise out of you while others slide past. The pattern is information rather than a flaw.

Write down the last three things that got to you and look for what they shared. Being called lazy, left out, not taken seriously. You do not have to fix the sore spot to benefit from knowing where it is.