When you retell a fight, notice if you gave yourself all the best lines.

Retelling is rewriting. In the replay you are articulate and calm, your points land in order, and the other person says the weakest version of what they actually said. None of that is deliberate lying, it is that you only have access to your own side from the inside. The cleaner your lines sound, the more editing has happened.

Next time you walk someone through an argument, give the other person their best sentence, the one that was hardest to answer. Say it out loud as they said it. If you cannot remember it, that tells you how much attention you were paying.