Meaning well doesn’t undo what actually happened.

Intentions matter, just not to the person on the other end, who received the effect rather than the plan. Explaining that you meant something kinder is really a request to be judged on the inside version. You can hold both: you did not mean it, and it still happened. The second half is the part that needs doing something about.

When you hear yourself start with what you intended, stop and deal with the effect first: what landed, and what you will do about it. Your intentions can come later, if they still seem relevant. Most of the time, by then they will not feel necessary.