Forgetting someone’s exact words can leave their influence more difficult to dispute.

When you lose the exact wording, what remains is the impression, and impressions are not arguable. You cannot examine what was actually said, check whether you understood it, or notice that it was less absolute than you remember. The person’s influence survives in a form that has no text to be checked against, which makes it harder to be free of.

If an old judgment about you still operates, try reconstructing what was literally said and to whom. Often it was one remark, in one mood, about one thing. Getting it back to actual size is usually enough.