The role of outsider can become a membership you are afraid to lose.

Standing outside can become a position you defend. It offers a stable identity, an explanation for what is difficult, and a certain freedom, and after a while joining anything would cost you all of it. What began as a description of circumstance becomes a role, and the role has its own attachment.

If you recognise this, notice what belonging somewhere would actually threaten. Then try one small inclusion that does not require giving up the whole self-understanding. You can be a member of something and still be the person who sees it clearly from the edge.