The question was it allowed can be easier to answer than the question was it owed.

Permission is a low bar and it is a clear one, which is why we retreat to it. Whether something was within the rules can be settled by looking things up; whether it was the right thing to do requires judgement, and judgement can be argued with. The technical question offers the comfort of a definite answer to a different question than the one being asked.

Listen for the substitution in your own defences. When you find yourself explaining that you were entitled to do something, notice that nobody asked. Try answering the harder question directly: given what I owed this person, was that what I should have done. Often you already know.