The person making restitution must ask whether they are restoring what was lost or what they find convenient to give.

Making amends can be shaped around the giver’s convenience rather than the other person’s loss. What was taken may not be what you find easy to return, and offering a substitute you happen to have is a way of settling your own account without restoring theirs. The gesture can be sincere and still be aimed at the wrong target.

So ask what would actually help, rather than deciding. Be prepared for the answer to be inconvenient, or to be time and patience rather than something you can hand over. And be prepared for the answer that nothing will restore it, which is worth hearing rather than arguing with.