Some days of grief need ordinary conversation more than another careful question.

Careful questions can become their own kind of weight. Everyone means well, and after a while every conversation is an inquiry into how you are doing, which keeps the loss at the center of every hour whether or not it was there already. Some days a person wants to complain about a bus, argue about a film, or hear about your unrelated problem. That is not avoidance; it is a few minutes of being a whole person again.

When you see someone in grief, let them set the subject and follow it wherever it goes. Bring something ordinary of your own to talk about.