You can be responsible for a mistake without becoming cruel to the person who made it.

Taking responsibility and running yourself down are easily confused, though they pull in opposite directions. Real accountability looks outward at what broke, who was affected, and what will be different. Self-punishment turns attention inward, and it tends to make you slower to admit the next thing, because admitting costs so much. Harshness can feel like seriousness while doing considerably less work.

If you have got something wrong recently, write down what you owe and to whom, then stop. Do the repair, say the plain sentence, make the change. Notice how much of what you are carrying is repair and how much is only punishment that has learned to sound responsible.