A compliment tied to compliance is a request wearing nicer clothes.

LEADERSHIP

WHAT THIS MEANS

Praise attached to a behaviour somebody wants more of is doing two jobs at once. You are always so reliable about the late shift, nobody handles the difficult clients like you: it feels good, and it is also a description of the role you are being fitted into. Stepping out of it afterwards looks like a change in character rather than a scheduling choice. Flattery of that kind is a request with better manners.

When a compliment lands just before an ask, separate the two. Accept the praise, then answer the request on its own terms, as though it had arrived plain.

A QUESTION TO SIT WITH

When did praise arrive just before someone asked you for something?

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