Keep adult arguments out of the role you ask a child to play in the family.

Children absorb the jobs a household hands them: messenger, peacemaker, confidant, the one who reports back. These roles are rarely assigned on purpose, and they tend to outlast the argument that created them. A child asked to carry adult conflict learns that their place in the family depends on managing other people’s feelings.

Keep disputes between the adults having them, including the small ones that seem harmless to pass along. Do not ask a child to relay, to judge, or to reassure you. Let them be a child in the house rather than a participant in it.