You cannot understand someone while secretly waiting for them to confirm your assumptions.

Listening while waiting for confirmation is not listening. You are scanning for the parts that fit your existing picture, and everything else passes through unregistered, which is why you can have long conversations with someone and learn nothing new about them.

In your next real conversation, try to find one thing you did not already believe about the person. Ask a question you do not know the answer to. That single constraint changes how much you actually hear.