A child’s success belongs to their life before it belongs to a parent’s story.

A parent’s pride is real, and it also has a gravitational pull. A child’s result gets folded into the parent’s account of themselves, retold at dinners, held up as evidence of choices made years ago. The child feels that, even young, and starts to notice which achievements are most useful to the household, which is a strange thing to carry.

When something goes well, ask the child what it felt like from the inside before you say what it meant to you. Tell the story as theirs when you repeat it. Keep some of their news private if that is what they want.