An adult sibling deserves requests, not instructions left over from childhood.

Family roles are set early and rarely renegotiated. The one who organized, the one who was told, the older, the youngest: those positions carry a tone of voice that survives decades after the circumstances that produced it. What was an instruction to a twelve-year-old lands very differently on a forty-year-old with their own household to run.

Listen to how you speak to your brother or sister the next time something needs doing. Ask, offer a choice, and accept a no in the way you would from any other adult you respect.