A partner’s free evening should not depend on the other partner remaining on duty.

Time off that is handed out by one person to another is not really shared time. When one partner is permanently the default for children, the house or the aging parent, the other’s evening away is a favor granted rather than an equal arrangement, and the accounting never balances. Both people need hours that are genuinely their own, arranged in advance rather than begged for. Rest that has to be requested is a different thing from rest.

Put two evenings in the calendar this month, one for each of you, agreed together. Protect the other person’s evening as firmly as your own.