A fair account of a problem gives the other person a reasonable chance to respond.

How you describe a problem decides what kind of reply is possible. A version that stacks every past grievance behind today’s incident leaves the other person defending their whole character instead of the thing at hand. Fairness here is practical rather than noble, because a narrow, accurate account is the only one anybody can answer. Overstating feels stronger and usually gets you less.

Before raising something, cut your account back to what happened and what it cost. Leave the summary of who they are out of it and notice how differently the conversation goes.