The gift should not require the recipient to become the person you wish they were.

A gift can carry a message about who you would prefer the person to be. The book they should read, the equipment for a hobby they ought to take up, the clothes for a version of them that does not exist: each arrives with homework attached. The recipient then owes you either the transformation or an apology. Generosity works best when it asks for nothing back.

Before buying, ask whether the present fits the person as they actually are this year. If it only fits your hopes for them, choose again.