Humor can hide discomfort so neatly that even friends forget to look underneath.

Laughter is one of the few ways to answer a question and close it in the same breath. A joke about the hard thing gives everyone permission to move on, and the people who love you accept it because you handed it to them lightly. The habit works so well that the funny version can become the only version anyone has heard, including you.

If you are the one making the jokes, try saying one plain sentence to a person who will not rush you. If you are the friend, let a beat pass after the laugh and ask again, gently, without making it an interrogation.