Caregiving makes ordinary clocks measure more than appointments and meals.

Time reorganises itself around another person’s needs. The day stops being made of hours and becomes made of doses, turnings, the window when they are most themselves, the stretch when it is safe to be out of the room. It is not only that there is less time. The units belong to somebody else now, which is hard to explain to people whose clocks still run normally.

If you are in it, ask for one hour a week that is yours and be specific about which one. If you know someone who is, offer a named time rather than saying to call if they need anything.