Adult siblings meet again when they stop assuming the old arrangement explains everything.

Families hand out roles early and rarely revise them. The responsible one, the difficult one, the baby: these were rough summaries of children, and they keep operating decades after the people involved have changed beyond recognition. When siblings meet, the old arrangement often does the talking, and each ends up performing a version of themselves they left behind years ago.

Ask a brother or sister something you would ask a new acquaintance. What their week is actually like, what they are worried about, what they think now. Then listen without checking the answer against the person you remember.