The visitor welcomed without ceremony can feel trusted with ordinary life.

Being shown the tidied version of a house is pleasant and slightly distancing. When someone lets you in without clearing the table first, they are telling you that you do not require a performance, and that is a higher form of welcome than any amount of preparation. Ceremony marks a guest; its absence marks a person who belongs.

Try letting one visit happen without the tidy-up this month. Say come as you are and mean it about your own house too. And if someone opens the door on their ordinary life, take it as the compliment it is rather than apologising for arriving.