The friend who remembers your dislike can make a small plan feel personal.

Being known is largely made of small negative facts. Anyone can remember that you like the sea. Remembering that you cannot bear loud restaurants, or that you hate being the centre of a room, takes closer attention and shows more of it. A plan built around what you would rather avoid feels personal because only someone listening could have made it. Care shows in the subtractions as much as in the gifts.

Write down two things a person close to you dislikes, and use one of them next time you arrange something. Say nothing about it, and let the arrangement do the talking.