The person deciding when to share news is also deciding when to begin receiving reactions.

Telling people starts something that cannot be paused. From the moment news is out there are questions, opinions, sympathy, advice, and the work of managing other people’s feelings about your own situation. Waiting is not necessarily secrecy. It can be a way of choosing when you will have the energy for all that. The timing belongs to whoever is living it.

If you are holding something, decide who to tell first on the basis of who makes things lighter. When somebody tells you late, take it as a fact about their capacity rather than about their trust in you.