Expectation becomes easier to discuss after it stops pretending to be obvious.

An expectation held as obvious cannot be talked about, because obvious things do not look like positions. They look like reality, and anyone who fails to meet them appears to be failing rather than differing. Once it is stated as a preference, it becomes a thing with a shape: something you can compare with somebody else’s, adjust, or set aside. Almost nothing is as universal as it feels from inside.

When you are annoyed by how someone did something, work out what you assumed the rule was. Then say it as an opinion rather than a standard, and ask what theirs is, which turns a grievance into an arrangement.