Some people discover themselves only after the audience leaves.

Some things about yourself cannot be found while anyone is watching, because the watching changes them. What you actually think, what you want, how you feel about a situation: all of it gets shaped by anticipated reactions, and the shaping is automatic. Only when the audience is gone does the unshaped version appear.

Make some space where you are not being observed or reported to, including by yourself in the form of a running commentary. A long walk, a few days without contact. What emerges may be unfamiliar, and unfamiliar is not the same as wrong.