People sometimes defend tradition because changing it would expose how much choice was always available.

If a practice can change, it could have changed earlier. That is the uncomfortable part, and it is often what a defence is really protecting: not the custom but the belief that nobody had an option and so nobody has anything to answer for. Once alternatives become visible, years of doing it the old way turn into decisions rather than circumstances. The heat in these arguments usually comes from there.

When a small change meets a large reaction, ask gently what the change would imply about the past. Be kind about the answer, including with yourself. People did what seemed possible at the time.