The house rules become kinder when their reasons can be explained without irritation.

Explaining a limit calmly is a sign you have actually thought about it. When the explanation comes out sharp, or comes out as because I said so, the reason has usually gone missing and only the habit remains. People can live easily with rules that make sense to them. What grates is being asked to obey something nobody will account for.

Choose one rule in your household and try saying the reason aloud without heat. If you cannot find one, it may have outlived its purpose. If you can, say it to the people who live under it, and let them ask questions.