Emulation looks out for merits, that she may exalt herself by a victory; envy spies out blemishes, that she may lower another by a defeat.

There are two responses to someone doing better than you, and they feel similar from inside. One goes looking for what they do well, because the point is to reach that level; the other goes looking for faults, because the point is to bring the comparison down to where you already are. The first makes you better and the second makes you smaller, and the difference is simply what you find yourself searching for. Attention gives it away.

When you notice yourself cataloguing someone’s flaws, ask what you would have to admit if you stopped. Then find the one thing they do better than you and study it deliberately.