We should be as careful of our words as of our actions, and as far from speaking ill as from doing ill.

Words get treated as a lesser category, as though only actions count, but a sentence lands on a person much the way a deed does. A remark made in passing about someone absent does real work in the world, changing how they are treated, and you never see the effect. That invisibility is why the double standard survives. You would not take something from a person and would happily take a portion of their standing.

Before repeating something unflattering, ask whether you would say it with them present. If not, decide whether it needs saying at all. Silence costs almost nothing and is very hard to regret.