Pain can teach the lesson without becoming the teacher you worship forever.

Something painful can teach you something real without needing to remain at the centre of your life forever. There is a stage where returning to it is how you make sense of what happened, and a later stage where returning to it mainly keeps it alive. Knowing which stage you are in is difficult and worth attempting. The lesson can stay after the loyalty to the wound ends.

Notice how often you explain your present through one past event. If it is most of the time, consider whether the explaining is still helping. You can keep everything it taught you and stop giving it the final word about who you are.