Neither the sun nor death can be looked at with a steady eye.

A few things cannot be held in direct view for long, and the fact of your own ending is one of them. You can know it, speak of it sensibly, and still find a straight look lasts seconds before the mind slides off. That sliding is not cowardice. It seems to be how we are made, and the knowledge arrives sideways, in glances, rather than by staring.

There is nothing here you are required to master. If the thought comes, let it come and pass rather than fighting it or chasing it. If it keeps coming, it may be worth saying so to someone who will sit with you.