Your wounds should explain your wisdom, not excuse your destruction.

What happened to you explains a great deal, and explanation is not the same as permission. The line is thin and important: your history can account for why a pattern exists without justifying its continuation, especially where it is now damaging you or someone else. Holding both is uncomfortable. It is also the point where an explanation starts being useful rather than only true.

When you notice yourself reaching for your history to account for a behaviour, ask whether you are understanding it or defending it. Understanding leads to a next step; defending stops the conversation. None of this means the original harm was your fault.