Self-respect allows regret without self-abandonment.

Regret and self-abandonment often arrive together, but they are not the same thing. Regret says a particular choice was wrong and could have been better. Self-abandonment goes further and concludes that you are the problem, then withdraws from you entirely, leaving no one at home to make the repair. Holding yourself in decent regard is what allows you to feel the first without sliding into the second.

When you next catch yourself in remorse, check whether you are still on your own side while feeling it. If you have left, come back. You can name the mistake plainly, say what you would do differently, and stay someone you are willing to keep company with while you do it.