Intensity is wasted when ego picks the opponent.

When your pride picks the fight, you end up in contests that do not matter, against people who happened to slight you, over ground you did not want. The intensity is genuine and entirely misallocated, and afterwards there is nothing to show for it except a worse relationship and a tired week.

Before engaging, ask what winning would actually get you. If the honest answer is only that you would feel vindicated, that is your ego selecting the opponent. Let it go, and put the same force into something with a result attached.