The first step in a person’s salvation is knowledge of their sin.

Nothing gets repaired while it is still unnamed. Whatever word you use for the thing you keep doing wrong, change begins at the point where you can describe it plainly instead of in the softened version you tell yourself. Most people can list their weaknesses in general terms and go a lifetime without stating the specific one that keeps causing damage.

The move is to get concrete. Write down the actual behaviour, the situation that sets it off, and who has been on the receiving end. That sentence is uncomfortable to look at, which is roughly how you know it is the right one.