What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like beautiful music.

Pain that has been shaped into something beautiful is still pain. What reaches other people is the music, and they may envy the person who made it without ever suspecting the cost. This happens far outside of art: the composed voice at work, the calm account of something that was not calm. Being able to express hurt well is not the same as being done with it.

Give someone credit for what their polish might be covering, and be slower to assume the person handling it gracefully needs nothing. If your own version keeps coming out charming, try telling it plainly to one person who can hear it.