Growing up is realizing your parents were figuring it out as they went, too.

The people who raised you were improvising with whatever they had, often while tired and unsure. That does not excuse everything, and some things are not excusable. It does explain a lot of what looked like certainty when you were eight and looks like guesswork now. Seeing them as people rather than fixed authorities changes what you expect from them.

Ask one of them something specific about a year when you were small, what it was actually like. Listen without arguing about your version. If that conversation is not available or not safe, you can still let go of the idea that adults ever fully know.