If your first move is to defend yourself, you’ve already stopped listening.

The moment you start assembling a reply, the rest of what someone says turns into noise you are waiting out. Defending yourself is fast because it feels protective, though what it protects is your picture of yourself rather than anything useful. The cost is missing the one sentence in the conversation that would have helped. People can tell when that happens, which is why they eventually stop bothering.

Let the person finish, then leave three seconds of silence before you speak. Ask a question instead of making your case. You can still disagree afterward, and the disagreement will at least be about what they said.