Before giving advice, ask, “Do you want help or do you want me to just listen?” It’ll save half your arguments.
STILLNESS
WHAT THIS MEANS
Most bad advice is well meant and badly timed. Someone describing a problem may want a solution or may want company in it, and answering the wrong one lands as impatience even when you are right. The mismatch, not the content, is what starts the argument. Asking removes the guess in about four seconds.
Ask before you offer anything, then honour the answer, including when the answer is that they only want to be heard. If they do want help, give it once and stop. Listening is not the lesser contribution; it is frequently the one that was requested.
A QUESTION TO SIT WITH
Who wanted your ear recently while you offered a solution?
MORE IN PATIENCE & TIMING
- Ask a question and then let it sit. The best answers usually show up after the awkward three seconds.
- Almost nothing you type after 2 a.m. sounds as good in daylight. Save it for the morning.
- Typing a whole paragraph and deleting it isn’t wasted time. Sometimes that’s exactly how you figure out what not to say.
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