Bringing up someone’s worst moment to win today’s argument is fighting with a stolen weapon.

The thing you are reaching for was handed to you in a moment of trust, probably late at night, by someone who assumed it would never be aimed back at them. Using it usually ends the argument, and that is the problem, because what it really ends is their willingness to tell you anything real. The win is small and the door stays shut.

Keep the fight inside the thing you are actually fighting about, even while losing. If you feel yourself reaching for the archive, stop the conversation and return to it tomorrow. Some arguments are better lost than won that way.