Self-control is not refusing emotion; it is refusing to make every emotion somebody else’s problem.

Restraint is not about having a smaller emotional life. It is about the fact that your inner weather does not entitle you to redistribute it. A bad day can be felt fully without being taken out on the people nearest to you, who did not cause it and cannot fix it. The feeling is yours; the handling of it is also yours.

When you are in a difficult state around others, say so plainly instead of letting it leak. Naming that you are on edge and that it is not about them costs one sentence and prevents a lot of collateral damage. Then handle the feeling somewhere it does not have to be anyone else’s job.