Accountability should make future behavior better, not merely make past behavior hurt.

A consequence that only inflicts is a cost with no return. Something happened, someone paid, and the situation is otherwise unchanged except that there is now more damage in it. Accountability that works is oriented forward: it makes clear what has to be different, and it leaves the person with the capacity to actually do that.

When you hold someone to account, be specific about what you expect next and check whether they can meet it. Ask what would help. A conversation that ends with a clear changed expectation does more than one that ends with the other person feeling as bad as you wanted them to.