Notice what you do the second you get criticized. Crossed arms? A joke? A counterattack? That’s your reflex talking.

What you do in the first second after criticism happens beneath any decision. The joke, the folded arms, the immediate counterpoint: none of it was chosen, which is exactly why it is worth knowing about. The reflex usually developed early, when criticism was less safe than it is now.

Watch for yours rather than trying to suppress it. Name it afterward without judgement, since naming is what eventually makes a pause possible. With enough notice, a second or two opens up between the comment and your response, and almost everything useful happens in that second.