How you apologize says a lot. If yours always comes with a “but,” you might be defending more than repairing.

An apology with a clause attached is doing two jobs, and the second one usually wins. The word but redirects attention from the harm to your reasons, which leaves the other person holding both the injury and your defence of it. You can be genuinely justified and still owe a clean apology.

Next time you say sorry, stop at the end of that sentence. Name what you did, say you regret it, then wait. If your reasons still need airing, they can be a separate conversation later rather than a rider on this one.