Being someone’s backup plan feels like being chosen until you notice they keep checking the main menu.

Conditional attention is often mistaken for real interest, because it looks identical when it arrives. The difference shows up in the pattern: you hear from them in gaps, when other options are unavailable, and the warmth cools the moment something better opens up. Being wanted sometimes is not the same as being chosen.

Look at the timing of the last several times they reached out. If it maps onto their empty evenings, you have your answer without needing a conversation. You are allowed to want to be someone’s first call, and you owe nobody an explanation for that.