Friends who keep a ledger of every favor aren’t friends. They’re collecting a debt they’ll call in later.

Keeping accounts turns generosity into a position. Someone tracking every favor is not being kind so much as building a position, and at some point the total gets presented to you, usually when you are least able to refuse. The giving felt warm at the time, which is what makes the invoice so disorienting. Listen for the sentence that begins by listing everything they have done for you.

Notice whether help from a person comes with a running total attached. Where it does, accept less and accept it slowly. Give to them in the moment rather than banking anything, and keep your own ledger empty.